So a thought occured to me, an epiphany really. I realized why losing Jake has been so difficult. My whole life I looked up to him and wanted to make him proud- since he was my older brother. My earliest memory I have of him, is him dressing in one of his famous kilts and wielding a light saber. That was so Jake :)
I firmly believe there won't be another person like him. He was the most giving person I've ever known. He was not selfish, and lived his life to serve others- a true christian. He would've given you the shirt off his back if he felt you needed it, that's just how he was.
Here are a few of my most vivid (recent) memories of him:Now all I have left are the memories and it's just so hard to imagine my life without him. I have been in a daze since the day he went away. Here's my thought process: never will I see him smile...or hear his laugh or voice...or get to see him. I know he was always be a part of me and will be forever in my heart.Now all I have left are the memories and it's just so hard to imagine my life without him. I have been in a daze since the day he went away. Here's my thought process: never will I see him smile...or hear his laugh or voice...or get to see him. I know he was always be a part of me and will be forever in my heart.There were so many things left unsaid, things that didn't get to happen, and the worst, no goodbye. That has been my biggest regret..He died so suddenly, I didn't get the chance to tell him how big of an impact he truely made in my life.
*July 2000-My sister in law was pregnant with Michael and we were having a baby shower for her at Dad's house. Grandma (Kay) Parks at that time, wasn't doing well. She had a very hard time walking, and couldn't get in the house by herself. Jake was the first person to volunteer to help her. He, Dad and Jeremy helped her into the house, and back into the car when it was time to leave. Grandma passed away the following month.
*May 2002-For years I didn't have a real relationship with my Dad. Jake is the one that made me realize that life is short and anything could happen. He even once told me, "you only have one father and you just gotta make the most of it and Dad knows he made mistakes and he will tell you that." So, I made the decision to forgive and move on. And he was right, Dad did admit to mistakes he made and we were able to get past that.
*October 2003-My first husband, Rick died at 23 years old in his sleep. After the funeral was over in Des Moines, I came back to Fort Dodge. I was completely devastated and had to go back to the apartment we shared. Jake offered to come stay with me since he was worried. So, he did. He stayed for almost a week. He almost certainly helped me get through his death.
*2003-2012-Jake was always there for me--no matter what! Even if he didn't agree with the choices I made, he never judged me and would just listen to me. That's something most people couldn't do for me. We had mutual friends and we were together a lot. We used to go "ghost hunting" and I was never scared if I was with Jake. We went to movies when he worked at Fort 8.
*The last memory I have of Jake--I went to a Beaver Creek Concert and Jake was there..it was about 3 weeks before his death. We talked for a long time. We made plans to have dinner and to bring the kids cause he wanted to play with his niece and nephews. We discussed a lot of things, but the one thing about that conversation I remember the most, " go see Dad and Jane, they really want to see you. Promise me you will go see them or at least call." And I did, I promised...and I did live up to the promise. You see, you don't realize what's really important until it's gone. After Jake died, nothing else was important except for family...I didn't care about anything other than being around the people that love me.
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